Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
