I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
