can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
