I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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