Porn is love you can see.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
