our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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