We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
