And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
