that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
