she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
