I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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