I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
