Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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