Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
