Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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