i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Randomize
