i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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