i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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