"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
