I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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