Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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