I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
