i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Bring me that man meat
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
