i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
