you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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