Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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