She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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