He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
