And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Randomize
