just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
