How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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