I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
