Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
