I wish I could punch you in the face.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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