we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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