Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
