The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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