I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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