I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
