dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
