Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
