i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
