You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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