Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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