I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
