Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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