Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
