Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
