You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
