Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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