is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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