So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
