u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Two words: blizzard sex
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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