glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
