I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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