I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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