and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
