'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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