Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
