Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
