Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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